


I Can't Say "You're Welcome" When It's My Fault

by AgentCatt



Series: Locington One Shot Stuff [12]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, I didn't research the signing because it just says he signs and then quote what it would say, M/M, Post Season 15, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Blame, Sign Language, tell me if i'm missing anything
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-06-01 01:34:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,538
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15132182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AgentCatt/pseuds/AgentCatt
Summary: Locus goes back to the abandoned query to stock up on things he needs for his aimless journey. Surprisingly ends up seeing Wash at the grocery store and does anything to avoid. Should've just left the planet that night, but ended up meeting Wash in some breakfast place.





	I Can't Say "You're Welcome" When It's My Fault

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be done before season 16 started, but I'm terrible at getting anything out lol

Locus knew what he was risking to take Agent Washington to Chorus. He knew exactly what he was getting into when it was evident that Chorus was the closest planet. He wasn’t going to just let Agent Washington die in his ship. No, it’s not his time yet. Washington still has a lot in him. He can’t just leave yet.

He gets him there safely, no backlash. It doesn’t take long for Dr. Grey to start working on making Washington better. He leaves the planet again, for hopefully the last time.

Once he’s far enough away, he gives up trying to control his feelings. He lets them show. The  _ anger _ for Tucker not listening to him. The  _ worry _ that Washington won’t pull through because  _ he _ might not have gotten him help in time. The  _ sadness _ that he might never see him again and the last thing he did was take a very bloody Wash to a hospital. 

He aimlessly flies in a direction, putting on autopilot. He’d like to scream to let it all out. But he doesn’t remember how to scream or make any kind of noise. He sits in the chair in silence,  _ scared _ for the first time in what seems like forever. 

Locus doesn’t know what to do. Part of him wants to turn back to keep an eye on Washington. Part of him never wants to see him again because there’s nothing but trouble surrounding himself. He doesn’t understand why he feels this way or why he wants to cling to  _ Wash _ . 

No, no. He’ll just disappear. Never go near him again.  _ Wash _ should be fine. Yeah, he should be. Hopefully….

 

Locus has been helping people out here and there along his aimless journey since he dropped Wash off. Sometimes he heads back to his old hideout in the abandoned query to lay low and restock on things he needs. 

He does his best to keep himself busy during the day. He does what he can to keep the building in running order, but when he starts to settle down for the night, he can’t. He doesn’t sleep often. If he doesn’t dream of Felix, he dreams of Wash and the last time they were together. He tries to forget both of them, but his dreams keep reminding him. Both bring him pain.

Today, Locus is going to the store to finish getting everything he needs to restock his ship and for dinner tonight. For tonight’s dinner, he gets fresh veggies to cook, a little bit of meat, and a piece of cake because he impulsively gets it. For the food he’s taking with him, he gets a bunch of canned food because it’ll last him a while. Plus, it’s better than eating damn MREs all the time. 

Everything’s going like he had planned. The place isn’t so crowded that it’s overwhelming. He’s getting the shit he needs. Until it all crumbles when he sees Wash’s blonde messy hair down one of the aisles. It’s Wash for sure. Locus would know his- Locus would just know, okay?

There’s still a bandage on his neck. He seems to only point at things. Oh no, did he lose his voice? That was always a possibility, but Locus never thought it was that deep. 

Locus has been staring for a little too long. Wash looks down his way. He knows. He knows that’s Locus because- fuck, he just knows. He can feel it in his stomach.

Wash starts to smile at him, but Locus quickly heads to another aisle. He doesn’t know what to do. There’s still other things for him to get, but should he just leave? Come back tomorrow or something? Yeah, he should. He has to get away from them.

But it’s so nice to see Wash is up and about. It puts his mind at ease. Maybe now he'll stop dreaming of Wash. Maybe.

Locus heads up an aisle, grabbing anything he needs in that section as he goes up to the registers. Might as well pay for what he's got now. Not like Wash would walk right up to him. He’s, also, not one for making a scene. Especially if he’s with someone else. 

Thankfully, nothing happens. A million grocery bags loaded back into the cart later, Locus walks out of the store without seeing Wash again. He lets out a sigh of relief, but he  _ knows _ Wash just let him duck away like that.

It doesn’t take him long to get back to the query. He gets all the groceries put away, then takes the cart back to near the entrance so he can take it back to the store next time he leaves. For the rest of the day, Locus tears down a wall that didn’t need to be torn down. He hit the drywall with a hammer, letting out frustration. He leaves the wood framing up and starts clearing out the drywall. He really shouldn’t have done that, but it helped him feel the slightest bit better.

That night, Locus lies awake in bed, thinking about Wash. As much as he’d rather not, he can’t help it. He saw Wash up and about, but pointing at things rather than just saying. The shot must’ve cut deeper than he thought. Not nearly enough to kill him because he was still alive (barely) when they got to Chorus. But bad enough to lose his voice, possibly.

Once he does fall asleep, he dreams of Felix. Going over the shit he did in his dreams. Calling him out. Bringing Wash into this. Especially since he’s seen him. He eventually wakes up in a panic, not going back to sleep after that.

 

He heads out at first light. Going to take the cart back (because it’s rude for him to keep) and get himself something to eat at this breakfast place he used to go to with Mason and his wife some mornings. It was pretty good, in his opinion, so why not go back? Then he’ll go back to the query and take care of a few more things before he can either settle in until he gets another job or just move along.

Part of him feels like he’s going to regret this, but another part of him is telling him to go no matter what happens. That it will be just fine. The worst possible thing that could happen is running into Wash or Mason. Either of those two would be unpleasant at best. Especially since he doesn’t know how Mason would react to seeing him after the news on Chorus got out….

Taking the cart back is no problem. Walking to the breakfast place seems quiet. Not many people are out on the streets. Which is a little surprising for a Sunday morning when there used to be a lot of drunks out early in the morning, trying to find their ways home. But there are significantly less than he remembers there being. He keeps going anyways. It’s nice not having to avoid people. 

It’s all relatively smooth. He gets to the place and is seated immediately. His waitress is noticeably tired, but kind and doing her best. He orders a small glass of water and some coffee. By the time she comes back with that, Locus orders a mundane breakfast. Eggs over easy, bacon, hashbrowns, and one waffle. It all comes with a biscuit or toast. He chooses the biscuit. 

There are some other customers there as well. A couple of them keep looking his way. This woman who looks like she’s ready to call police. A guy that is probably staring at the scars on his face. It makes Locus feel a little uneasy, so he takes out his datapad and looks at the news. Apparently that one dude with the reporter is making what happened into a movie? Locus clicks on the story to figure out more, but it doesn’t help. Just says it’s in progress.

Locus wonders if they knew he was there to help Wash or if they’ll just make up something that  _ could’ve  _ happened.

He moves onto the next news story and takes a sip of his coffee when he sees someone sit down across from him with a menu. He slowly puts his coffee down, then the datapad. He looks over and sighs to himself.

“Hello Agent Washington,” he keeps himself as deadpan as possible when he’s actually panicking on the inside.

Wash smiles slightly, “hi,” his voice is soft and low.

So he can talk! “How did you know I’d be here?”

“I didn’t,” Wash points to Locus’ water. Locus nods for him to take it. Wash takes a few slow sips before continuing. “I saw this place yesterday-” he takes another sip, “so I got up early and came.”

“A coincidence then.”

Wash nods. The waitress comes back and Locus orders a water for him. Wash points to what he wants on the menu and Locus says it out loud for him. Pancakes with sausage. A simple order.

She goes to put that order in after telling Locus his order will be out shortly. He just nods with a thank you and a slight smile. That smile goes away when she turns away. Wash has chugged the rest of the water. He stops and stares at Locus for a moment before swallowing.

“It feels good. Gray said I need to talk more, but,” he shakes his head. He’d rather be silent. Locus completely understands that.

“If,” Locus hesitates, “if you know how to sign, you can do that instead?”

Wash’s face lights up. He smiles and signs something along the lines of “oh thank god someone else that knows how to sign.”

Locus just nods. He has no clue what to say to Wash. What can he say? For the moment, they sit there in silence. It’s awkward, yet feels right. Something he hasn’t felt in a long time actually.

Their food is made to come out together. The waitress did that on purpose instead of sending Locus’ out first. Now they both can be eating at the same time and not be forced to say anything. Thankfully.

After a few bites, Wash puts the fork down and signals for Locus to look up at him. He signs, “A lot of what happened is still cloudy in my mind, but I do know you helped save me.”

Locus looks away and continues to eat what’s on his plate. He can’t say anything back to him. If he hadn’t disappeared after Chorus. If he kept better tabs on him while he was delirious. It’d be okay. It’d be fine. Then Wash wouldn’t be injured, right?

“Hey,” Wash pokes at Locus’ hand, getting his attention. He then signs, “You helped save me. I’d be dead if it weren’t for you. Thank you. I appreciate it.”

“I can’t say ‘you’re welcome’ when it’s my fault for not fully protecting you.” Locus pushes his plate aside. He doesn’t want anymore. Not now. “You should stay away from me. It’s better for  _ your _ health.”

“How?”

Locus doesn’t know. He can’t answer Wash’s question. He just pulls out some cash and leaves enough for the both of their meals and then some. He can’t stay there any longer. So, he grabs his datapad and leaves without saying another word.

Wash tries to call after him, but it doesn’t work. He just leaves back towards the query. Locus feels like he needs to leave the planet. Go somewhere else that’s far away from Wash. To save him. He’s not a good person. He’s not helpful to Wash. He can’t do anything but harm him. Why can’t he see this?

Locus began packing up everything he’d need for his departure. He’ll have to stop on another planet for more food since he couldn’t fully stock up. Not even neatly trying to pack things away like usual. Just throwing it any which way into the bag. He can organize it when he’s off this planet. It just doesn’t matter right now.

As he’s closing the bag, there’s a knock on the front entrance. He jumps slightly at first, not expecting to ever hear someone knocking, but then realizes who it might be. He’s not surprised by this. Of course Wash wanted to follow him to talk more. But it’s better for him to stay away! 

Locus moves to stand by the door, listening to the knocking and soft words Wash keep saying. Mostly just to let him in. That they need to talk.

“Lo, I know you’re there,” Wash coughs a little. It doesn’t sound too good. Which makes Locus feel bad and open the door.

He walks away from the door, not saying anything. He goes to the little kitchen area to get Wash a glass of water. He hands it to him and leans against the counter with his arms crossed. Wash slowly drinks the entire glass before setting it down.

“Why are you here?” Locus asks.

Wash takes a deep breath then signs, “You can’t just say that and leave.”

“I can and I did.”

“You know damn well you’re no threat to me. You never have been. Even on Chorus. You know it. Don’t tell me to stay away when all I want to do is be by your side.”

Locus moves over to Wash and holds his hand. “Don’t. What happened on Chorus happened, I know that. But anything after isn’t good for  _ you _ .”

Wash clears his throat while figuring out what to say. 

“What makes you think you’re not good for me?”

Locus can’t answer that. He doesn’t know the answer. So, he lets go of Wash’s hands and goes back to finishing packing away food.

“Lo, please?” He takes the cup and fills it up, drinking it all.

“I don’t know, okay? I don’t know anything anymore. Just that you’re better off without me.”

Wash sets the cup down when he’s done and goes over to Locus. He makes him look his way before signing.

“You shouldn’t be alone. Your free will and thoughts are not a danger to me. You know this.” He takes a deep breath and forces himself to speak the rest. “An example would be any of the nights we spent alone.”

“It’s all my fault,” Locus whispers. “Everything.”

“It doesn’t work like that. Felix made you do all that on Chorus. Then everything after if your free thought,” Wash pauses to let himself breathe. “I want to be with you.” Wash puts his hand on Locus’ cheek. “Don’t leave me again.”

Locus leans into the touch. He’s missed Wash being close to him. He’s more scared than anything. Still scared about being without Felix. Without orders. It’s all too new and overwhelming. Yet, in his mind, he can’t tell if Wash is right or not. He doesn’t know anymore like he thought he did.

“Don’t make me go, Lo.”

“Why do you want to stay?” Locus makes him remove his hand from his cheek. 

“Because,” Wash fills up a little more water and takes a drink. Decides to sign the rest, “because I feel okay with you. I feel at peace unlike when I’m with the others.”


End file.
